Letter to the Editor – Life’s Been Good in Jasper County, IA

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I have pajamas, forget their price,
I never wear them; they tell me they’re nice.
I submit record requests and have a ball.
If I get an ethical response, I pay for them all.
The IPIB says I’m crazy, but I have a good time.
I’m an Iowa records requester looking for clues at the scene of the crime.

Newton accused me of a crime before I was hit by a car,
but at this time, I haven’t been arrested so far.

I send records requests to Iowa Commissioner Bayens
to ensure the game he is playin is the same as he’s sayin.
While we all drown in Iowa Court fees, he has us payin.
Yankovic says I’m white and nerdy,
but I’m ensuring Iowa’s file cabinets are sturdy.
So they can store my emails, some say are wordy.

Jasper County, IA, may worship the gun and believe they have a right to hold it,
but it seems their leadership hides in file cabinets with vibrating bullets.

Newton’s Putin rules with duct tape while their gun is shootin,
it will be a cold day in hell before Newton has my voice mute’in.

Jasper County, IA leadership may be focused on getting their clay pigeon game under par,
but life in Jasper County, IA, has been good so far.

***

The possible state of mind of the Iowa Public Information Board leadership upon being told during the July 2023 (Note: Approximately 2 months before the events documented in References (1.)—(3.)) public meeting that their alleged failure to lead ethically is being investigated.

“Uh oh… here comes a flock of wah wahs, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.”

References

(1.) Kauffman, Clark. “Persistent Newton Requester Inspires Proposal That Could Limit Iowa Public Records Access.” The Des Moines Register, Iowa Capital Dispatch, 25 Sept. 2023, www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/2023/09/25/iowa-public-records-access-could-be-restricted-in-reaction-to-one-man/70936174007/.

(2.) Clark Kauffman, Iowa Capital Dispatch September 15. “Proposed Bill Would Block ‘vexatious’ Citizens from Accessing Public Records.” Iowa Capital Dispatch, 15 Sept. 2023,iowacapitaldispatch.com/2023/09/15/proposed-bill-would-block-vexatious-citizens-from-accessing-public-records/

(3.)  Clark Kauffman, Iowa Capital Dispatch September 22. “How One Man’s Actions Led to Proposed New Limits on Public-Records Access.” Iowa Capital Dispatch, 23 Sept. 2023, iowacapitaldispatch.com/2023/09/22/how-one-mans-actions-led-to-proposed-new-limits-on-public-records-access

Respectfully,

Cipher Hunter

Legal Name:  Michael J. Merritt, as documented on birth records stored and preserved by Marshall County, IA.

Legal Disclaimer: This comedic satire parodies creative work produced by Joe Walsh, including events in the author’s life.